"Of Course I do": A Compassionate Practice for Working with the Inner Critic

A bright red arbutus log at Pacheedaht Beach in Port Renfrew / Pacheedaht Territory

How many times do you catch yourself beating yourself up about something? Or how many might you catch if you try to notice? Here's a few examples of some critical thoughts:

"Why do I miss my ex?"

"Why can't I just make a change"

"Why don't I just stop ____ "

I've been more paying attention to these thoughts from my inner critic lately. Surprise! I'm a therapist and I still have them. How human, right? And that's the essence of this practice I've been doing. Shifting those "why" thoughts into "of course", has led me to having a lot more grace and compassion for myself, allowing me to be more human.

Let's switch up these examples:

"Of course I miss my ex. They were really important to me and I'm longing for connection. Break ups are hard"

"Of course I'm having difficulty making this change. Change can be scary and I'm doing my best to work towards it"

"Of course I'm having trouble stopping ___. Its a habit I've had for a long time, and it takes time to change".

I invite you to think of an example for yourself, and notice what happens in your body when you switch the thought, or read the examples above.

For me, it often leads to an exhale, more relaxation, spaciousness, compassion and softness. This practice switches from the inner critic, who might be trying to motivate us or protect us, to loving self compassion. Also notice that this practice doesn't "make excuses" for yourself, but rather offers context and understanding to your experience.

Many of us are hard enough on ourselves, as is society. What would happen if we grounded ourselves in this softness?

If you're interested in in-person counselling on Salt Spring Island, or virtual counselling anywhere in BC or Ontario with an approach centred in mindfulness, Internal Family Systems Therapy and nature connection, book a free consult to explore working together!