Healing the loneliness epidemic with community

The Groundswell Surf Therapy Program in Peru

The Growing Crisis of Loneliness

It has long felt like my mission to restore aspects of the village life to modern society, probably since my late teens. Perhaps this is what I’m put on Earth to do, particularly restoring community. For example, when I returned from Australia at the age of 26, where I had experienced the power of Women's Circles, I searched for one in Toronto, and was astounded to not find one. So, I started hosting them myself (and they were transformative). I guess I have sensed the loneliness that exists in society from a young age. If folks don’t have a tight knit family, who do they have? Even if they are close with their family, can they really lean on them? What about the broader community? We so often pedestal romantic partners- but don’t we need more?

To me, this is one of the root causes of many big issues we face today- anxiety, depression, addiction, isolation amongst seniors… Is it really a big deal though? Yes, it is: one striking statistic comes from a 2023 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, which found that loneliness increases the risk of premature death by nearly 30%, making it as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. The report also highlighted that in 2021, nearly half of U.S. adults reported experiencing loneliness, emphasizing the growing impact of social disconnection on mental and physical health

For me, the answer to loneliness is community. And, it seems people are desperate for it. I know I am, I know the people I work with often have a longing that sometimes they can’t even identify. So we’ve had to start paying for community in the absence of it existing organically anymore.

Paying for community

Modern society has turned basic human needs—connection, healing, and belonging—into products we have to buy. Take, for example, Othership in Toronto. If you’re not familiar, Othership offers group sauna and ice bath experiences, combined with breathwork. Nothing wrong with that. And, it’s a $55 drop in. Not very accessible for most people. I’ve heard about Othership, read reviews, and some people get absolutely hooked. Why? Because it offers a community space that is SO missing in our world. There are so many examples of people paying for community- sometimes (rarely) accessible amounts, and often exuberant ones- whether it’s a yoga retreat, an overpriced sharing circle or cacao ceremony… Again, there is nothing inherent wrong with these events, but, shouldn't community be accessible beyond paying for it?

In my dreams, and in more in-tact ancestral or indigenous cultures, ceremony, ritual, circles, connection, are all part of life as a community. So of course we are craving it. These are essential needs to have met as a human being. We know it in our bones.

So, what do we do? Let’s create community instead of paying for it.

A Call to Elders

I think that communities need multiple generations, particularly elders. Those of us who are not yet elders cannot be the ones to create community containers when we are in the throws of chaos and establishing our lives.

Alexandra Blakely just released an album called WAILS: Songs for grief, and in the song Open, she asks, “Where are our elders? We should be washing your feet. This grief is from having to be the mentors we are seeking”. Oeuf. 

We need elders. Historically, elders have been the ones who hold the threads of a community together. They are the storytellers, the wisdom-keepers, and the people who remember what has worked (and failed) in the past. It is the role of elders to give back to the community, pass on their wisdom, and guide younger generations. I think that part of the crisis of loneliness amongst seniors is that elders have lost their platform to do this, and without it, they feel purposeless, exiled. And that leaves us either longing for community, or trying our best to create it. Those women circles I mentioned? They could have been so much more transformative if we had multiple generations of women present.

Building community

Are you an elder? I’ve met several who want to step into their role but don’t know how to do it. Maybe you can start with inviting someone(s) over for dinner. Share your stories. Ask about their stories, their woes. Listen to them. Offer your life wisdom. You are the ones holding perspective. Please remember, we need it. 

Not an elder? Here’s some other steps to start creating community:

• Start a gathering, and keep it going. Maybe it’s a Wednesday board game night, a pasta night, a weekly zoom gathering. 

• Prioritize community. If someone invites you to a community event or is trying to establish momentum- support them. Show up. Community also takes commitment.

• Share your skills. Know how to do something crafty? Cool, invite friends over to learn. Maybe someone else can offer to lead the next time!

This is such a huge topic- the loneliness epidemic, the role of elders in our society, creating or finding community… but hopefully this short musing has at least started to broach a massive subject.

The essence of this? We need each other to feel well, and we can’t continue existing in isolation or carrying everything alone.