The Displaced Generation

I’ve started to notice (and am a part of) a shared experience for people in their 30s who feel strangely untethered.

In mental health, there’s a term called “transitional age,” which typically refers to people between the ages of 18-25. Services for this age group emerged because many supports abruptly end at 18, despite the reality that most people are not fully established at that age.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how there’s a new “transitional age”.

Part of this shift is societal. People are spending longer in school. Adolescence has stretched. Housing has become increasingly inaccessible. Many people are delaying marriage and children, either by choice or necessity. The timelines that once structured adulthood no longer hold in the same way.

For those folks in their 30s feeling untethered, the theme seems to be that they spent their 20’s exploring and are now ready to settle down, whatever that means for them, but don’t yet have a tether, responsibility or anchor, outside of themselves. Now, many of us find ourselves in an unexpected in-between.

While peers are marrying, buying homes, and building families, there are others who feel suspended between worlds: no longer wanting to wander, but still lack the feeling of rootedness that previous generations often found through partnership, children, geography, religion, or long-term community.

For some, this is further complicated by not buying into the “status quo”. The topic of the Canadian dream being dead is not a new one - houses have become unaffordable, job satisfaction seems lower than ever, people are wanting more. So if one is not invested in trying to achieve the conventional milestones, or maybe desires them but also questions them, and does not have external meaning to anchor to, it can create an intense feeling of displacement. 

Where does one derive meaning?

To whom — or to what — does one belong? (Especially once peers begin settling into established family groupings)

This is the cost to living outside inherited structures that those who haven’t veered off the beaten path don’t quite understand.

I hear versions of this from clients and friends often, questioning, “did I do this all wrong?”

Comparison can reach brutal new heights during this stage of life. It’s difficult to remain grounded in your own choices when others appear to be moving forward into culturally recognized forms of adulthood while you still feel uncertain, searching, or in transition.

In Nature and the Human Soul, Bill Plotkin describes this period of exploration as necessary rather than pathological. He argues that 80% of society stops at forming an ego-centric identity — the socially acceptable self shaped by mainstream culture, achievement, and external validation. Only 20% continue on to form their eco- and soul-centric identity, which is true adulthood and involves one consciously embodying the unique life of their soul. Often, models like the one developed by Plotkin are the only thing that help me feel like my path makes sense.

Maybe this stage of life is not evidence that something has gone wrong. Maybe it is what happens when old structures no longer fit, but new ones have not fully formed yet. Perhaps displacement is sometimes what it feels like before belonging takes a deeper shape.

And if you are feeling untethered, displaced, or in limbo right now, you're not alone in it, and I’m here to walk through it with you.

PS: There are 3/6 spots left for my surf therapy weekend coming up in August in Tofino. Want to connect with the ocean, practice surfing and meet like minded people? Check out more info here!